"I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"...false! great song, but it is definitely not true.

Okay. I've been on crutches for one month and 13 days now. I'm pretty much used to them; they're like an extension of my arms. They aren't the problem anymore. My problem is my freaking calf. The muscle hurts so bad; it feels like it's being pulled apart. This started on Thursday and has gotten worse each day. The pain has extended to my foot muscle as well. Laying down sucks but sitting up and especially getting up to use the restroom is the worst. I can't do it without crying. I want this cast off. It feels so heavy now and is causing too many problems...I get a new cast on Monday but then have to wear that for another 10 days. On top of that, I'm having digestive problems again. I can't eat aaaaanything. Everything I eat goes right through me, painfully, so I'm always hungry and afraid to eat. I'm afraid of the hard-core painkillers as well because my body does not respond well to them in the long run. Today my leg/foot muscle pain was so bad that I gave in and took 2 Exceddrin. It seems to be helping a little. I'm still laying down and my leg doesn't hurt anymore as long as I don't move it.

Honestly, I don't know how people go through things like this. It kills. Then again, I'm so so so sensitive to pain. It seems like I'm always sick and can feel every little pain that happens in my body. I don't think I could ever hold down a full-time job. I sucked it up a lot when I worked at Michael's because I wanted good attendance and needed the money, which was just awful. So many days I felt miserable. What is wrong with me? Why am I always so sensitive to things? My immune system sucks. Seriously. It doesn't help that I can't absorb any nutrients either. I think I need vitamins. I wish we could live off of water, because that seems to be the only thing that doesn't make me sick.

Life is seeming sucky right now. Not when I'm with Troy though. Somehow, being with him makes me feel much better. Maybe he's secretly an angel...or my personal guardian angel. Haha. Well, thanks Troy. =) Sorry for all the trouble lately.